As an Actor…
This show has tested my ability to sit in a room full of people with varying perspectives and listen intently to every word they say. We often discussed ways to stay present in a setting where you may have few to no lines at all during a high-intensity moment. Marc would single us out and say, “How do you feel about that?” regarding another character’s words or actions. There is no ‘I don’t know’ in this scenario, and I learned that by paying extra close attention to the people speaking around me, my points of view would develop naturally–and from there–I only needed to act on them. When I did this correctly in rehearsals or performances, new impulses would emerge, not just from hearing the words someone else said, but by how they said it, who they said it to, and what objective they may have unlocked within me.
I applied many concepts from my previous classes to my performance. The highlight of my learning takeaways was on physical destination and the difference between an action and an activity from my Acting 2 class. When Juror #8 is sitting next to me and says that she doesn’t know whether the boy is guilty, my objective is to force her to make up her mind. My action could be to coerce, chastise, threaten, humiliate her, or more, to achieve that objective. Alternatively, an activity would be to use my handkerchief to wipe my face, get a drink from the water cooler, open the window, or take out a cigarette to smoke mid-scene. I learned that when the entire play takes place in one room, you must be specific and intentional with every movement. Do not stand up because this is “the mad part” or the part where “you are yelling at her,” stand up because you are GOING somewhere or DOING something specific to achieve a goal.
I also applied concepts from one of my current classes, Voice & Body Movement. We have been introduced to several different body energies. Similar to the Laban movement exercises, we have been working on incorporating body energies like buoyancy, potency, and radiancy into our physical movement and verbal expression of the text. While this information did not become available to me until the latter half of my process of creating Juror #7, I was still able to experiment with how my body energy shifts at different moments in the play, and how that affects the way I move to my next destination or say my next line. Sometimes, when I am annoyed I have more of a desire to humiliate someone through sarcasm, so my voice will take on more of a buoyant floatiness. Other times, my anger could be about to boil over and as I speak my voice explores a potent writhing expression or an unexpected radiance.
One improvement I can make in the future is taking further advantage of the freedoms within the rehearsal process–before things become too solid or move to the stage. I was making too many decisions for myself and my character when I really should have used rehearsal to make riskier choices. That is what the rehearsal room is for. I should have made more wild choices to see what could be justified, or what objectives, emotions, inflections, or other details were hiding in plain sight. I keep saying to myself that the only way to grow or make discoveries is by making mistakes and learning from them, but I don’t think I did the best job applying that concept in the rehearsal room. Once I got to Klein, I felt like there were things my body and voice had predetermined, and I fell into old habits and patterns. My ultimate goal for next time is, to be more speculative in rehearsals, and to not lead myself to predetermine how lines are spoken. I want to fill my toolbox throughout the rehearsal process and keep everything I learn with me when I step onto the stage, allowing myself to use what I’ve practiced to make more genuine in-the-moment decisions.
As a Castmate, Student, and Person…
We have officially closed Twelve Angry Jurors and it is such a bittersweet feeling. One goal I set for myself before this semester and production began was to take care of my mind and body every second of every day. I know if my body is not operating at its best, then my performance and ability to rehearse will suffer, and the only way to avoid this fate is to be proactive in how I treat my mind and body. I started focusing on daily wellness goals to help me stay positive about small victories and not second guess the speed at which I was making progress (either in the show or in my personal life). I tend to put a lot of pressure on myself as an actor and as a person, and this show was no exception. But what I can take away from this process is that by working ahead, I’m giving myself so much more time to make discoveries and be as present as I possibly can. My body does so much for me every day that I can’t even begin to comprehend, and I owe it to myself to keep my spirits high and my body fueled to help me achieve my goals as an actor.
What I want to continue doing is setting myself up for success, and hopefully stop putting so much pressure on myself. I am not perfect, but I don’t think anyone is! When I am scared, unsure, and worried about making the wrong choice or disappointing my castmates and director, I have to step away from that kind of negativity and understand that what we do as performers is in the pursuit of constant growth. I’m never going to make the right choice on the first try, and I cannot measure my success by how proud I perceive my cast and directors are of me. I can only control my ability to let things go when I must and hold on tight to the lessons that matter.
Thank you Twelve Angry Jurors for teaching me the worth of patience, understanding, and looking deeper when things appear disastrous on the surface. All is not lost if I can hold myself accountable for retaining new lessons as they come, allowing my passion for theatre to transcend my fear of embarrassment, and listening to my mind and body when they need my help supporting my creative endeavors.
“The jury will retire.”